Mid-week Vent...

This is a RARE mid-week vent.  But I feel like I need to get a bunch of crap off my chest, so that I can focus on being positive again.  It's been a shitty week and I feel there's this black cloud kinda following me right now.  I need to make it go away.  And I get it - I' have so much to be grateful for.  But right  now, from my perspective, the cloud lingers.  Writing about stuff seems to help, so here goes....  

I freakin hate my apartment.  I thought I could "soldier on" and make the best of it until I was out of school and had a plan for after.  BUT....it has become intolerable over the past six months.  And then I signed another lease, only because I couldn't face moving again.  My final straw has been the incompetence of the office to replace my broken dishwasher, get rid of the roaches and to stop over charging me for rent/fees.  I have had to argue about everything.  And the responses back have always been twisted around so that it's somehow my fault (I'm not available when it's convenient for them, they went to the wrong apartment, services are being provided as a courtesy only, blah blah blah...).  The latest was me bringing up how can I have more fees tagged to my account when I paid everything in full on one date, and the fees show the previous date they were due - only when I made my payment, I paid the account in full.  And it was an electronic transfer so it was instantaneous.  Yes, this too was being misinterpreted by me because the fees are attached to my account at certain times and I don't understand the ledger system, etc.  Convoluted, right?  I've been arguing this since the first of the month - I paid in full on the sixth; the late fees are dated the fifth; this is not possible unless the fees were added to the account after the sixth (which they were added as of June 1st when the new rent cycle came up).  At this point, I've documented it and added it to the list.  Then, I have made TWO appointments to have pest control and maintenance come and fix/spray (which means emptying my kitchen entirely), and have had them no show both times.  I'm done at this point.  Done.  My time is important too, and I'm really tired of hearing how my lack of availability makes it difficult for them to do the work.  Let me ask you this...and bear with me here, because I have a couple of points to make....  If you make an appointment, and confirm that appointment, doesn't that mean you have the necessary parts to do the job?  Otherwise, why set up the appointment?  And if you knew you didn't, why wouldn't you communicate that so the tenant wouldn't rip apart things and WAIT ALL DAY FOR THEM TO SHOW UP??  Plus, what about the people who work Mon-Fri (the same days that maintenance works) - how do they get work done if they don't want a stranger to enter their place and disrupt their dog while they are out?  Are they made to feel guilty that they have to take time off work to accommodate maintenance at his convenience?  And this summer, I'm off every Monday, which last I checked was one of the five days maintenance is there to do the job.  Why do I have to hear I have availability issues.  No, what I have is a dog that cannot be kenneled so that you can enter the apartment when I'm not there - and because I know you won't be careful to not let him escape, I therefore need to be on site while someone other than myself enters the apartment.  AND I'VE BEEN THERE FOR TWO MONDAYS WHILE YOUR PEOPLE HAVE NO SHOWED DUE TO INEPTNESS.  

Now let's move on to Pima.  I was attempting to take a summer class.  You have to pay your classes in full within three days of registration otherwise they drop you.  Or, you can make payment arrangements with a large chunk of money down to hold the registration.  I picked the second option paying 2/3's of the tuition before my class.  I ended up dropping it due to my dear doggie getting sick every couple of weeks over the past couple of months.  I dropped it day before the class started (within the time frame that I wouldn't get penalized).  Two days later I contact Pima and asked what was the policy for refunds - I was told I could expect it within 3-5 days.  On the fifth day, I still see a credit on my Pima account, so I email back and ask when I could expect my refund.  I was told "soon".  The sixth day, I email and ask if it could be manually refunded - I was told no.  On the seventh day I emailed that my Pima account still showed a credit amount, the refund hadn't happened, that telling a student to expect their refund "soon" was a non-answer and to please escalate it to someone who could handle it.  I received an email this morning (day nine) that a refund has been processed, and that my bank should process the transaction within the next 7-10 days.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  Tell me how it's possible that an electronic transaction by pushing buttons on a computer take so long?  If the initial transaction took equally as long, then I would never have been registered for the class.  I guess they don't expect you to drop and want a refund.  Well sorry....shit happens.  

Next up is my job.  It's a job.  It's a paycheck.  I get it.  I have no vested interest in it other than please pay my bills.  Maybe sneak away on a mini-vacation before school starts.  I work with someone who can be pleasant and easy to deal with one day, and be Broomhilda the next.  And the majority of the time, she's Broomhilda.  Which makes it really hard to cope when she goes on a rant about normal business stuff.  And by rant, I mean be condescending and nasty to those who are subordinate to her.  During the school year, I have little exposure to this behavior.  But now that I'm working full time, it's daily.  It reminds me why I wanted out of this business so badly.  It makes the days long.  It is so easy to be negative - on an intellectual level, I understand why people behave like this to overcompensate for shortcomings.  Life is way too short, and the pay is far to little to deal with this.  I try to tell myself this is a small portion of the bigger picture...  BUT...  It adds to the suckiness that is my norm right now.

And when you start down that negative thought road, it's very hard to get out of it.  Then EVERYTHING becomes a negative.  Negativity perpetuates negativity and it becomes very hard to break the cycle.  Well....that's why I'm writing.  Because I need to turn this around so I can start feeling better about myself.  So I can start selling my artwork again.  I don't want to fall back into that mindset of "poor me".  I'm better than that and I know better than that.  Sigh.  I'm not solving anything here, and that frustrates me more than anything.  I want to bring forth positive solutions in my life.  And everything seems so messed up and just hard.  Like it's all one big test and I'm in danger of failing.  

Okay, I'm going to end this now.  I've had a very eventful week or so.  I have much to think about and turn around in my life.  I need to step back and focus on only those things I have the power to change from negative to positive.  The rest....we'll just let someone who has higher powers than I do take charge.  I'll be back in a couple of days with hopefully some good news to report.  Thanks for listening all!