There are so many times in this journey, that I feel my past and present intersect. I can be walking to class along the UA Mall and some guys are playing frisbee in the grass and I'm immediately transported back to spring 1985 and hanging out on the Mall and being taught how to throw a frisbee by the AGR guys. Or walking into Steward Observatory for Italian movie night, and suddenly remember being in that lecture hall for astronomy all those years ago. Or getting a cheese bagel at the Deli and remembering my very first bagel was when I went to UA previously. I lived on cheese bagels when I was a student before. The smell of a classroom has memories attached to it for me. Walking around campus will suddenly have a memory flashing through my mind.
It's such a peculiar feeling to have your past and present intersect. I'm being given the rare opportunity for a do-over. Honestly, who gets that chance ever in life? I am almost hyper-aware to not screw things up this time around. As I hear young students speak of their college experience, and hear and see their excitement for life and all they've learned during their time at UA, I think about how much this all means to me. There are times I am choosing to fade into the background of many classes, my life experience alone makes me speak up with answers and things to think about during discussions - there is much to learn from my fellow students as well as there is also much they can learn from me too. I definitely don't take that for granted. And while there are many challenges involved with returning to college full time, there are equally as many rewards too.
There are many many times I wish that I was younger during this journey. The physical toll is something that I can't help but think about daily. Every morning I wake up and it takes a good 5-15 minutes to get out of bed because I'm in so much pain. Why? I chalk it up to the aches and pains of getting older. I'm aware that after sitting in class, I have to be careful when I stand and then go to leave the classroom - my body doesn't instantaneously react like it once did. It takes a moment to get my balance. It takes a moment to (again) fight through the pain on shifting my body to a new position and that we will be walking and taking the stairs. I am very careful of where I'm walking around campus, as I'm not as limber as I once was and one wrong step and I'll go down. So add physical discomfort on top of trying to remember assignments, and do homework and write papers and not lose your artistic creativity..... Yes, I wish I was a bit younger.
I was reminded yesterday of why I'm here. I was reminded that I'm one of the brightest and best students in the School of Art. And that I have an important voice that needs to be heard. What I envision as my artistic voice or mark causes an emotional response in others. That I have a bright future ahead of me in art. (Here's where I get a bit emotional) So for the young student who was once told she had no artistic ability....to this adult woman going after a dream to make art her life....this is my reality of the past and present intersecting in the best possible way. And through all the hard work, tears, successes, failures, challenges and accomplishments....I am grateful for this opportunity.
That's it for me for this week. I have a stack of things to do. Make sure you do good things this week. Positive outward, positive inward.