Ever have one of those mornings where you have zero motivation to go to work? Yes.....that's me this morning! I rolled in around 8:30. Oh that's about an hour later than I wanted! Somehow I'll get everything done that I need to.
I was notified yesterday that I wasn't one of the Medici Scholarship recipients for possible summer travel. I'm surprisingly more disappointed that I thought I would be if turned down. On the one hand, I knew it would be a long shot to be awarded one because my travel plans were of my own making and not traveling to a seminar or more formal art class; but on the other hand, there's a real part of me that was super excited with the itinerary I mapped out. Plus this puts a hitch in my giddy-up about creating a body of work based on plein air painting for submitting as a portfolio for grad school. Is it time to re-group and think of an alternative, or is it time to think that grad school might not be in my future plans? I did a little more research on Austin too. WOW!! 123% more expensive for housing than Tucson??!! Are you kidding me? Other things were comparable...utilities, gas prices, food. But housing seems to be at a premium. When a little basement studio was renting at $965/month (with nothing included and everything extra), you know that silly things like a separate bedroom will send the price over a grand. I would kill for a travel trailer right now. You know....something I could pull and park. Oh yeah, pipe dreams are great on a limited budget.
So yeah my little blog readers.... Expect to hear LOTS of musings this coming summer about this decision I need to make regarding grad school. Plus, I need to think about why I would make this decision to continue my education. Yes, yes, for the MFA. But what's my end goal? Do I really want to teach? That has never really been something I've wanted for myself. But I've got to find a way to make this work for me so I can continue to paint and create etc. Teaching seems to be one such pathway.
And also this summer I'll be working full-time at my job. This stresses me out terribly. It's a job. Not a calling. And being trapped indoors for large chunks of the day add to my stress levels. Mixed feelings about this totally. The state says I make too much money per month to qualify for Medicaid insurance. I don't make enough to be able to pay for an insurance premium. My position at work is part-time/on-call....so that's not a benefited position (although the Affordable Care Act mandates that if your employer has over 50 employees, and you work full time, they have to provide you with medical insurance). And while costs of EVERYTHING have continued to rise, my employer hasn't seen fit to give me a raise the entire 3 years I've worked for them. No evaluation. No cost of living raise. No "hey Susan, you're swell and here's fifty-cents more an hour". Nothing. So I'm making the same as I did when I was hired as a receptionist, even though I'm definitely not doing receptionist duties any longer. And haven't been for over two years now. Mixed feelings. I just contacted my property manager to let them know I'll be staying another year, which of course my rent increases. In fact, it's now the same price as my old place with twice the space....which I moved to find some place cheaper. Instead, I have no yard, neighbors who are a pain-in-my-ass, roaches that just won't die, difficulty storing my bike so I can ride it, and next to no creative work-space.
Oh shit. This is turning into me whining about everything. Exactly what I DON'T want to do! Okay, stopping now. Breathe. Just breathe. On a positive note, the frozen chai's from Einstein Bros Bagels are fabulous and I have a new favorite drink. Yes, random, but true. And it's really hard to be Negative Nellie when discussing frozen yumminess! So that's it for me. Do something nice for someone this week. They could probably use it! And if you should see me, give me a hug. I could definitely use it! Have a good week everyone!