7.29.17...

I'll admit it.  This summer has been weird.  I find myself strangely apathetic about life in general right now.  I think it is partially because that question of "now what" keeps running through my brain.  I'm on the cusp of my big-bad senior year at UA and then what?  My birthday is next week, which means that I'll be into my 50's (and not 'hey I just turned 50') and I'm looking at what...maybe two more decades of this phase of my life?  And what exactly is that?  Financials have pretty much ruled out graduate school for me.  Plus is teaching really my end goal?  No.  I can honestly say it's not.  Furthering my education was the goal with graduate school, and I think there are alternative ways of accomplishing this. This summer has shown me the value of having steady income coming in and not worrying about money all the time.  Granted...I make next to nothing and fight for every last penny I do earn.  And believe me, having medical insurance would definitely be a luxury so I didn't worry about that constantly.  BUT...income has been steady this summer working full time, which helps with being able to have gas regularly, or doing laundry or having decent food.  I loathe my apartment more than ever.  Not having a dedicated art space that has the ability to be closed off has impacted my creativity more than anything.  I cannot leave projects out to work on multiple days because I have a dog who gets into stuff.  And then I'm left either cleaning up a mess, replacing what's been destroyed, or dealing with a dog who is now "mysteriously" sick for days.  And my place is so small, it doesn't allow for an easel to be set up and still have room to move around in the apartment.  So that means I have to take the time to set up, create and then clean up.  Repeat, repeat, repeat...until the painting is completed.  It's extremely disruptive.  Not to mention discouraging.  My fingers are crossed for a studio space at the school this year.  And the cost of the apartment has increased to the point where I'm now paying more than I was before I moved in.  Yeah....isn't that some shit karma.  I moved into it to save money, and I'm having to work more now in order to afford to live there.  Sigh.  I know this is factoring into my mental state of mind.  

I will say this....I am DEFINITELY looking forward to my mini-vacay coming up in a couple of weeks.  The 15th cannot come soon enough because the ocean is calling my name.  It will be the first time I've truly put to the test what I want to do with my life too: packing up my art gear and heading off to submerse myself in non-stop painting in a different location.  Well, it's what I hope and dream about really.  And if you are reading this now, just know that I'll be posting daily IG Stories.  You've been warned.  :)

Well, I have to get some work done.  Trying to get my positive attitude back in place.  Remember?  Positive outward, positive inward.  Have a good week or weeks everyone and remember to do something nice for someone.  You just never know...